All the Jobs at the Super Bowl, Ranked

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You wouldn’t want some of these. Lots of different people have a role in making the Super Bowl happen. Here’s our attempt to rank them.

1. Receiver for the Patriots

Tom Brady has been making undrafted scrubs look like star receivers his whole career. The Pats recruit their #3 thru 5 receivers every year from the concession stand crew, and he still throws for 4000+ yards. Couple that with a legitimate beast tight end like Rob Gronkowski to consume defense’s attention, and this becomes one of the most attractive jobs at the Super Bowl.

Pros: Winning

Cons: Brady steals your thunder. He also created it, but who cares?

2. Advertising Creative

Many Americans look forward to the Super Bowl commercials more than the game itself. The commercials every year have become a thing of legend and every company wants its ad to be the one blowing up on Twitter. Somebody has to write those ads. It’s usually advertising firms hired by the companies, but they’re occasionally written in-house by marketing teams, or more recently, crowd-sourced by contest.

Pros: See your work on TV

Cons: Ads cost $5 million, so yours better be good

(Video: making of a Super Bowl commercial)

3. Left Shark

Pros:
- You get to be closer to Katy Perry than anyone else,
- You don’t even have to be a good dancer.
- You have the chance to gain a quick million or so Twitter followers.

Cons: Those suits get hot.

4. Agent

Pros:
-You get paid 5% of your clients’ contracts, and you never have to get tackled.

-You get to date Renee Zellweger Zellwiger and hang out with her awesome kid.

Cons: Everyone assumes you’re a scumbag

5. Beer Vendor

Pros:
-You get to be at the Super Bowl, and you get paid to do it.

-Get to look down upon those hot dog venders and their ridiculous outfits

Cons:
-Voice will get hoarse.
-Don’t get to pay attention to the game.
-Heavy tray of beer.

6. Accountants

Accountants are everywhere, so it’s a great career to open the doors into an industry you’re passionate about. If that’s football, here’s your career. Not only does each team have an accounting department, but there are more employed by the NFL itself, and many players will have a trusted accountant and financial adviser to help them manage their finances.

Pros: You get to deal with large sums of money.

Cons: It’s not yours.

7. Team Front Office

The front office is in charge of assembling the coaching and training staff; scouting, drafting, signing, and trading for players. Sometimes it all works out, and other times you have to try again next year.

Pros: Watching something you built succeed

Cons: It’s always your fault

8. Analytics Guru

While football was a little behind baseball in the adoption of advanced data metrics, it has still happened, and many teams now employ analytics departments. For those adept in math, statistics, and data analysis, this is a great opportunity to get into football.

Pros: If you do something really cool, Jonah Hill might play you in a movie

Cons: Everyone calls you a nerd

9. Halftime Show Field Director & Choreographer

The halftime field director coordinates the several thousand “cast members” including fans, dancers, and the occasional marching band who flood the field during the halftime act; getting them on the field, “performing,” and back off in 25-30 minutes.

 

Pros: 2000 people will do whatever you tell them to do

Cons: It’s going to look cheesy, no matter what

10. PR for the Event or the Teams

Public relations people put out press releases, make statements on behalf of the team, answer reporters questions and generally work to keep the team’s and its players’ (or the event’s) reputations upstanding.

Pros: You get to see and hear your words in print and on TV

Cons: You have to sound professional and PC

11. Sales

Ticket departments for these teams and the 29 others are all busy trying to sell season tickets and suite packages for next season. Sales is a great way to break in if you’re looking to work in football. To really be successful and gain fulfillment from it takes a certain kind of person, tho.

Pros:
Probably get some discounts on tickets

Cons:
Cold-calling


12. Halftime Production Designer

That huge stage on the field at halftime, you’ll notice, isn’t there the rest of the game. Like the throngs of people, it has to be on and off the field all within a half hour or so, including the performance. In 2015, the set was brought out in 53 huge carts pushed by 20 guys each, then assembled like a puzzle on the field.

 

Pros: It’s kind of like jumbo Legos

Cons: If you screw up, you could injure a pop star

13. Personal Trainer

It takes a lot of work to get players in that kind of physical shape, and to get them healthy and keep them healthy given the amount of injuries in an NFL season. Teams employ lots of personal trainers, strength coaches, dietitians, etc. to help the players train and recover.

Pros: Don’t have to pay for a gym membership

Cons: No matter how jacked you get, you’ll always look small in comparison

14. Marketing for the Patriots or Falcons

Marketing personnel have the task of generating fan excitement around a team and turning it into merchandise, memorabilia, and, indirectly, ticket sales.

Pros: It’s easy to sell jerseys when your team goes to the Superbowl

Cons: The loser ends up with a warehouse of unusable championship gear

15. Color Commentator

Pros:
You get the best seats in the house

Cons:
You can't mute Joe Buck

16. Cheerleader

Pros:
- Pom poms
- You get your own calendar

Cons:
- Make less than minimum wage
- Verbal abuse

17. Football Deflator

Pros:
You get Tom Brady’s phone number

Cons:
You have to deflate a whole bag of footballs in under two minutes, in a small bathroom, and you have to try to do it in a way where people won’t ask, "Why did you just take a bag of footballs into the bathroom?'

18. Marketing for the Browns

Cons:
When the highlight of your offseason is “We might try to trade for a playoff teams’ backup quarterback!” the marketing job is a little tougher
Pros:
Luckily, after one playoff appearance in 22 years, fans' expectations set the bar a bit lower

19. Opposing Coach

Coaching against voodoo-master Bill Belichick , who long ago sold his soul to the football gods, is never a easy job. Your best shot is attempting to summon the ghost of David Tyree.

 

Pros: You’re one win away from the pinnacle of professional football achievement

Cons: You have to beat the Patriots



20. PR Person for the NFL

Pros:
I’m sure it pays pretty well

Cons:
Perhaps one of the toughest jobs in the world – you have to make it seem like Evil Emperor Roger Goodell cares about women, players’ health and safety, charity, fans, or humans in general.

Matt Gwin
matt

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